It's been awhile...

So I had given up with trying to keep up with my blogging hobby for awhile, but here recently there has been so much burning inside of me that I've needed to get it out! So, I decided it may just be time again to try this out again. :)

For some people writing can be a fun activity, for others it may be a chore, for me its neither. For me, writing is like an outlet that once I get "plugged in" to it, it becomes the very source of energy that produces a light inside of me that not only illuminates the darkest places of my heart, but also bring enlightenment that I might have never gained. In other words... its my therapy! haha :)

Let see... where to even begin...

Well the most recent happenings occured last Friday. My grandmother, a.k.a. my popsmommy, passed away. It was not sudden by any means. We all knew that her life's story was coming to a close soon. But no matter how much you try to prepare yourself... loosing someone is always hard and it always comes as a bit of a shock.

Friday afternoon after a long day at school I looked at my cell phone, saw the 6 missed calls, listened to the 2 vague yet sorrowful voicemails, and knew what I was about to "find out."
I quickly made up some lesson plans, zipped home to pack a suitcase, and was on my way to my grandmother's home (1 1/2 hrs away) to spend the next 4 days in a house FULL of family members trying to figure out what to do with all the emotions they were experiencing.

That night I was ok. It was Saturday morning when I woke up that it began to hit me. I layed there early that morning in the bed that was full of memories of reading books late into the night, memories of hiding under it in hopes to avoid the nightly bath, and memories of lots of hugs and cuddles as we snuggled finally to fall asleep feeling safe and secure. I examined the quilt I laid under. One that had been hand sewn by beautiful tender hands of a woman who found such joy in simply making things that she knew would bring joy to someone else. My grandmother was an amazing woman whom I loved and missed.

I could go on for hours about all the wonderful things she did and was. I might have to dedicate a post (or maybe 5 posts lol) to just the story of her life. (Because believe me there are plenty of stories to tell!) She was a true Proverbs 31 woman. She came from humble beginnings, but with her faith in Jesus, a vision for a bright future, and determination to see it through she became a woman who was greatly praised. Even at her viewing I was amazed at the amount of people that showed up, all with a story about how my grandmother, my popsmommy, had impacted their life in some way. I honestly believe that as she met Jesus face to face on Friday morning that she heard her sweet loving Master say "Well done thy good and faithful servant"

And I wanna be just like her! :)

Here is a picture of my sweet "popsmommy" with one of the twins taken one month ago. :)

What does love look like?

If anything I can honestly say this song represents the past year of my life. I've been on an ongoing journey to discover what love really looks like. I've desired to know what 1 Corinthians 13 was really saying... I've wanted to know what REAL love would look like if I was staring it in the face.

What I have found is that REAL LOVE

would give up EVERYTHING,

would risk EVERYTHING,

for just a CHANCE at having that love returned...

This song is beautiful. Hope it grips your heart and opens it, as it has mine.

Thirsty...

“Thirsty hearts are those whose longings have been wakened by the touch of God within them”

–A.W. Tozer

Do you remember what it was like when you first felt that tug on your heart? You know that feeling where you knew that no matter where you try to run or hide that the Lord was calling you to Himself. Some of us might have tried to bury that call away in things of this world, others of us may have responded immediately overwhelmed and humbled that this King, this Savior, would take notice and desire us to come to Him. Either way we’ve all heard it.

I remember. I remember being only 10 years old, and yet there I stood at the altar, at the end of the service on December 18th. My heart racing and pounding in my chest, sweaty palms gripping the pew, not understanding what this was that was going on inside my heart, but knowing that there was something I was missing. And that something was Him. My sweet Jesus.

This past Sunday I sat in church, barely paying attention to the message. My mind was in so many other places. And yet there it was, time for us to bow our heads, the big moment, the call was going out around the room to hearts that were ready… my attention was back. I looked around the room as hands went up in the front, back, the girl sitting in the row in front of me… and I was reminded.

I was reminded of that call we’ve all heard at one point or another.

The call where we knew HE was real.

His LOVE was real.

I pray we never forget that moment. The moment where our corrupted, sinful lives were washed clean and made new. The moment where the old passed away and the new came. I pray that we remember the thirst that most of us first responded to Him from.

“If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink” John 7:37

*Also, during the yesterday's service we focused on Jesus’ statement before He died “I thirst.” Pastor Chris focused on the importance of being transparent before people. How we should take off the masks of “Everything is fine” and be more real with each other. So here I am, mask down, saying the same thing “I THIRST!” There is something in me right now that is not satisfied. I thirst for more of my God. I thirst for the intimacy I experienced when I first met Him. I thirst to hear His voice, feel His presence, and commune with Him as I did when I first met Him. To find my first love.

Today I began reading a book called Sacred Romance By: John Eldridge. As I read the first chapter and wept my heart was awakened again. I was reminded how I thirst… and how deep within me there is a longing for more… Most of this blog is an overflow of what was going on inside my heart throughtout the day. Hope it touches someone! :)

Just a quote that stirred my heart...

"How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose...! You drove them from me, You who are the TRUE, the SOVEREIGN JOY. You drove them from me and took their place, You who are SWEETER THAN ALL PLEASURE, though not to flesh and blood, You who OUTSHINE ALL LIGHT, yet are hidden deeper than any secret in our hearts, You who SURPASS ALL HONOR, though not in the eyes of men who see all honor in themselves... O Lord my God, my Light, my Wealth, and My Salvation" ~St. Augustine

Can I be Real? :)

"Love is patient...."

Another version I read recently is...

"Love patiently AND passionately bears with others for as LONG as patience is needed..."

WOW... that just takes that scripture to a whole nother level doesn't it?

So I'm just gonna be real and take a moment to get out all that junk that the Lord began dealing with my heart on when I read this not too long ago- bear with me please.... :) remember love IS patient :)

~Sometimes its hard for me to be patient with people (especially those closest to me). I tend to be a results driven person-meaning I like to see change or growth- I like to see people continually moving forward. I tend to forget how some trials or obstacles may be more difficult for some people

-I forget grace- I forget love- I forget that its God's KINDNESS that leads people to repentance- I forget that sometimes the BEST way to help someone be an overcomer is not to give them advice and think my pitiful attempt of words will change them, but sometimes letting them walk things out at their pace, just walking beside them, is the best way you can help them- I need to not forget the process that we all have to go through in life.

I've recently been reminded loving someone patiently may be just allowing them to learn on their own and not putting expectations on them that they havent even put on themselves. Just think how patient Jesus must have been with His disciples. They were a bunch of screw-ups that He saw potential in to change the world- So he called them to follow Him- to walk through life with Him- Not once did He say "You can follow me but you must not have any problems, never complain, and never ever screw up anything, just be perfect"
NO! He was their constant encourager and faithful patient friend who would remind them "in this world you may have trouble but take heart for I have overcome the world" He didn't tell them they had to overcome it ... He just reminded them that He had and will continue to overcome any obstacle in their life as long as they trust Him for help.

Lord, teach me how to walk through life with people who need someone to just love them as they learn, and who need someone to be patient with them to the point they have come to in their walk with You. Help me to not put my ideas on them of how I think they should be or act, but to love them with patience as they grow into who You created them to be. Help me to be a friend, and encourager that always points to the great overcomer of this world, You!

Thought this was good!

A friend emailed me this little devo and I really loved it...
just wanted to share!

An Invitation to Desire


This may come as a surprise to you: Christianity is not an invitation to become a moral person. It is not a program for getting us in line or for reforming society. It has a powerful effect upon our lives, but when transformation comes, it is always the aftereffect of something else, something at the level of our hearts. And so at its core, Christianity begins with an invitation to desire.

Look again at the way Jesus relates to people. There is the Samaritan woman Jesus meets at the well. She has come alone in the heat of the day to draw water, and they both know why. By coming when the sun is high, she is less likely to run into anyone. You see, her sexual lifestyle has earned her a “reputation.” Back in those days, having one partner after another wasn’t looked so highly upon. She’s on her sixth lover, and so she’d rather bear the scorching rays of the sun than face the searing words of the “decent” women of the town who come at evening to draw water. She succeeds in avoiding the women, but runs into God instead. What does he choose to talk to her about—her immorality? No, he speaks to her about her thirst : “If you knew the generosity of God and who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water” (John 4:10 The Message). Remarkable. He doesn’t give a little sermon about purity; he doesn’t even mention it, except to say that he knows what her life has been like: “You’ve had five husbands, and the man you’re living with now isn’t even your husband” (John 4:18 The Message). In other words, now that we both know it, let’s talk about your heart’s real thirst, since the life you’ve chosen obviously isn’t working. “The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life” (John 4:14 The Message).

Climb EVERY Mountain

"He makes my feet like the hinds' [firm and able];

He sets me secure and confident upon the heights."

2 Samuel 22:34 AMP

We all have our mountains we face in our lives, some may seem a lot larger than others, but be reminded and encouraged that God would never bring you to something that He didn't plan on carrying you through. And know that with every step He is making you stronger and more into His likeness in order to bring you to the very place you were destined for- to reign on the heights with Him! 

 "The Beauty of the Mountain is hidden for all those who try to discover it from the top, supposing that, one way or another, one can reach this place directly. The Beauty of the Mountain reveals only to those who climbed it..." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Refocused

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Hebrews 12:2-3

This verse has been my biggest encouragement lately.

Allowing this present world to fade away and

fixing my eyes on the hope of eternity.

Just wanted to share! :)

Sorry it's been so long!

So I'm back!! After a good 2 months of being away I'm back!!!! :)

The Lord has done so much in my life it's hard to know where to begin... so I guess I'll just start with what He's been doing in me this week. 

My motto this week is:

"I'm a work in progress! Praise God He's not through with me yet! He's the potter I'm the clay!"

With reason being, because I have been going through what some would call a "purging" season. I know I'm not perfect-just forgiven- but with that comes a desire for holiness, righteousness, and a desire to be like the one I love. The more I get to know this amazing man, Jesus, the more I see where my heart stands incomparison to His beautiful perfect love. I want to have More of Him in my life and Less of me! I want to love as He loved, with no conditions, limits, or fear. I want the relationships in my life to be consumed with the love of my Saviour... which brings me to the area He's been working on.... friendships.

I found an old sermon I heard once by Brian Houston Pastor of Hillson Church in Australia. It is called A Leader's Friendship. I want to share what I read with you and I pray that in some way it calls you to a deeper level of friendship in your relationships as it has in mine.

-As leaders we must set an example of our friendship for others to follow.

Proverbs 27:6 says "Wounds from a friend can be trusted" The true spirit of friendship is faithfulness, but many times being faithful causes us to have to confront things. This is never easy because it has the potential to would or hurt, but for the sake it may be necessary.

Real life example: Say your friend has something in their teeth. We can either:

A. be a Faithful friend and tell that person

B. be a Faithless friend and say nothing

C. be an Unfaithful friend saying nothing directly to the person then going and telling someone else about it.

Now that may seem like a mundane example but I'm sure we would all hope to have the faithful friend who would risk "wounding" us in order to prevent further embarassment or hurt. And not only would we want the faithful friend, but I hope we would all have the courage and love to BE the faithful friend.

And that faithful friend is one who loves to the utmost degree. Who gives of themselves, and RISKS for the sake of their friends betterment. A faithful friends puts others needs first and foremost. They are one who sticks closer than a brother. A faithful friend is faithful till the end.

So with that said I know I'm a work in progress and I pray  that the Lord would continue to develop His fruits in me so that I can be the kind of friend that He is to me! Thank you Jesus for filling my life with faithful friends who are amazing examples of your love and friendship!